apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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