Come see our sink grown plant.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
