he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you traded sex for a burrito?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
