i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
