i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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