I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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