Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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