amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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