We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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