i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
