Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
