you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
