I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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