The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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