Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
