Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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