i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
