Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize