Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
actually, I'm a sock model
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
