I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
