Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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