I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My bed smells like the plague
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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