The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
