did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Barsexuality is the new black.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
