After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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