So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
