White coat. Heels.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
