Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
