the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize