Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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