I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
