this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
