3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
