she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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