After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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