dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
