it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
