Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
