You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
