I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges