"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
