dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...