You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great