moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
