He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
