Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
