Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
