About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
