Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
