dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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