he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
