$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
