Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
