This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
