phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
