After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
