Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
