am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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