I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
