I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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