Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
