Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
