Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
