Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
