So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
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