I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
