Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
