Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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