I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
