the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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