my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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