I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
