Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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