New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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