They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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