Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Someone signed my nipple.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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