hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
