omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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