Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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