I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
