dude i'm inner monologue high
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
