i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
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If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
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You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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