I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
