Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
