If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
