I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
third nipple confirmed
Randomize
