anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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