This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
