Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
